Ep. 34 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer start off this episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave by discussing their hair loss and weight gain over the years. Tom shares YMH All-Star Robert Paul Champagne's cool new content with Bert. Then Bert breaks down his new favorite commercial. They also discuss losing their virginity, decaf coffee, men's wigs, 85 South, and UTIs. Also, the 2 Bears baseball caps are available sooner than you think!


  1. Hay


    Күн мурун

    Ari isn’t even a thing anymore.

  2. Evan Brannan

    Evan Brannan

    8 күн мурун

    Condoms r for quitters I’ve been droppin in chicks since I was 14 as the great Joey Diaz would say if ur going to walk on ice u might as well dance 💃

    • alex


      7 күн мурун

      a nice kick or two usually gets rid of the offspring anyways, Born and unborn.

  3. Jason Grayson

    Jason Grayson

    8 күн мурун

    The protective taurus reportedly listen because france synchronously peel near a paltry plate. divergent, bawdy vase

  4. Growing jordon

    Growing jordon

    10 күн мурун

    before he did the nerd flattened hair he looked like albert Einstein

  5. mordsythe


    13 күн мурун

    At 18 I was with a 30 year old that taught me what to do in the bedroom. I still thank her every single time I see her (every few years)

  6. billy b

    billy b

    15 күн мурун

    Bert says he is not going bald, he's definitely in denial....

  7. James


    17 күн мурун

    Love those guys!

  8. Figueroa Films

    Figueroa Films

    18 күн мурун

    Bert has that John favuiro look

  9. Walter Hartwell

    Walter Hartwell

    20 күн мурун

    Bart Hari Krischner has got to have to worst case of adhd

  10. Tommie


    23 күн мурун

    Paragard so I can live life a bothers me nobody addressed “like before” could be replaced with that 🤔

  11. Simon Wang

    Simon Wang

    Ай мурун

    The free port finally zoom because riverbed natively describe off a worthless duckling. majestic, freezing cockroach

  12. Scott Whitehead

    Scott Whitehead

    Ай мурун

    Berts soooo smart he doesnt eat for 22 hours and hes “skinny” what a dumb fuck,still love ya Bert an Tom for dealin with you

  13. Brandon Gumbert

    Brandon Gumbert

    Ай мурун

    Fuckin Died at 1:00:30 at 6 am

  14. UofAwildcat 11

    UofAwildcat 11

    2 ай мурун

    Yah should have done a hamburger challenge instead of a slam dunk contest

  15. Justin Grigas

    Justin Grigas

    2 ай мурун

    Referring to women as "soldiers" is a Patrice O'Neal refference.

  16. Colin Scheese

    Colin Scheese

    2 ай мурун

    Lol crashed my car while listening to these guys! Great podcast!!

  17. drifty XD

    drifty XD

    2 ай мурун


  18. GeneralWillWelsh


    3 ай мурун

    or you can jusy not have unprotected sex with random guys

  19. CezaMVO


    3 ай мурун

    Now correct me if I'm wrong, but from this episode, I'm pretty sure bert is autistic

  20. Timber Tramp

    Timber Tramp

    3 ай мурун

    Will you be laughing when your daughter wants one?

  21. Water Bug

    Water Bug

    3 ай мурун

    10:00 Proof jogging makes people fat. Bert wasn't fat before the jog.

  22. Walter wicks

    Walter wicks

    3 ай мурун

    Never get rid of that guy in the background laughing, he gives me life

  23. Aaron Reyes

    Aaron Reyes

    3 ай мурун

    Bruh i love for u guys to do Q&As on the podcast lmao



    3 ай мурун

    I feel like this podcast is like therapy for very and Tom just listens, it’s great

  25. Connor Cole

    Connor Cole

    3 ай мурун

    Did BMW pay you to say ‘it’s not a Porsche but it’s something.’?!?

  26. Nel Parduke

    Nel Parduke

    3 ай мурун

    I saw the "paragaurd" commercial while picking up my kid at my kid at my baby Mama's house. I basically blasted it verbatim. She didn't laugh at all. I just kept singing "blow those loads in me!" Fucking crazy!!!

  27. Jonas Boyle

    Jonas Boyle

    4 ай мурун

    Bert reminds me of a young Beetle juice from the movie beetle juice without his hat on😂

  28. amy morgan

    amy morgan

    4 ай мурун

    Hello, Thanks for the information! You can also check

  29. Erik Stockton

    Erik Stockton

    4 ай мурун

    Bert with his hair up look like that dude form ancient aliens

  30. Jack Gyldenvand

    Jack Gyldenvand

    4 ай мурун

    This should be the last two lines for your commercial Girl: oh by the way I have aids Guy: fuck Paraguard doesn’t protect ahgainst that Fin

  31. Bonzo Sircy

    Bonzo Sircy

    4 ай мурун

    Alright, I do nothing but laugh at bieart but this episode makes me worry. He's not okay!

  32. Shawn Franklin

    Shawn Franklin

    4 ай мурун


  33. meka.maraschino


    4 ай мурун

    why r ppl so mean 2 bert in these comments💀

  34. Gutz Phantome

    Gutz Phantome

    4 ай мурун

    Lmao it gives him headaches grow it right or get a different strain

  35. sam


    4 ай мурун

    If she won't go down on you then you don't go down on her. It's not the patriarchy

  36. Ayden Dunaway

    Ayden Dunaway

    4 ай мурун

    Weird sponsors

  37. Jo Gothi

    Jo Gothi

    5 ай мурун

    Degrate me 😂

  38. The.adhd.artist


    5 ай мурун

    As a former Starbucks employee I absolutely used to do that

  39. Logan White

    Logan White

    5 ай мурун

    Aye yo tom & bert I think I speak for everyone when I say we need to see that burger eating contest. Don't be stingy

  40. Tyler Hastings

    Tyler Hastings

    5 ай мурун

    It's not "Brent Crystals - The Machine" its "Brent Crystals - The Shining" 1:18

  41. benoit fortin

    benoit fortin

    5 ай мурун

    I’ll give you a little bit of the story so you remember... tels the whole story

  42. ShaneTweezy


    5 ай мурун

    Omg that was the best virginity story I've ever heard in my life

  43. Samuel Andersson

    Samuel Andersson

    5 ай мурун

    I got on hair medicin as 18 years old

  44. Ridgley Skidmore

    Ridgley Skidmore

    5 ай мурун

    God I love watching bert tell stories with the video playing at half speed

  45. CBOoo o

    CBOoo o

    5 ай мурун

    Bro, beer chrysler my dude maybe try soap and warm water bath? Not the chlorine bath, you know what I mean? Flip the hat backwards like Stallone in over the top and start that "chaotic licking"😀

  46. David Thilen

    David Thilen

    5 ай мурун

    Bert fat

  47. Thought-Terminator


    6 ай мурун

    I don't get how LeeAnn just wouldn't show what she wants if they're married and hes not doing things right for decades....

  48. ian m

    ian m

    6 ай мурун

    Bert: kissing my wife after a blowjob is disgusting Also Bert: Ive only taken 3 showers this year and never brush my teeth

  49. Richard Halliwell

    Richard Halliwell

    6 ай мурун

    Amazing show. UTI talk is perfect for the left wingers lol

  50. Matt Smith

    Matt Smith

    6 ай мурун


  51. Potato Toddler

    Potato Toddler

    6 ай мурун

    Tom "Shove Her Down The Stairs, Beat Her With A Hammer" Segura

  52. pcolmegna


    6 ай мурун

    3 seconds into the episode and my first thought is "Holly sh... what the hell happened to Bert...?"

  53. shari smith

    shari smith

    6 ай мурун

    I want to see a small screen in the corner with that dude in the background laughing his ass off.

  54. Infinite Carnage

    Infinite Carnage

    6 ай мурун

    I lost my virginity when i was 16 I'm now 18 and I don't even remember

  55. DicklessMonk 666

    DicklessMonk 666

    6 ай мурун

    Never get rid of that guy in the background laughing, he gives me life

    • Jo Gothi

      Jo Gothi

      3 күн мурун

      @kdoeone he isn't gone, that's just a joke

    • Jo Gothi

      Jo Gothi

      3 күн мурун

      @bobingson bob yeah, you can hear the other guys too sometimes but Nadav is the loud one

    • bobingson bob

      bobingson bob

      3 күн мурун

      @Jo Gothi So it is indeed Nadav? It sounds so much like what Josh Potter would sound like laughing.

    • Fidel `Castro

      Fidel `Castro

      17 күн мурун

      @kdoeone wdym?

    • kdoeone


      17 күн мурун

      He gone now.

  56. jhon kullens

    jhon kullens

    6 ай мурун

    Dude that guy in the background is my spirit animal

  57. Kurbi


    6 ай мурун

    Bert really acted like he didn’t know what bbc meant

  58. Jack Zwahlen

    Jack Zwahlen

    6 ай мурун

    Spoons must be feeling left out since they weren't part of the two bears one cave silverwear sponsorship

  59. goon snuke

    goon snuke

    6 ай мурун

    Bernt doesn't have the mental capacity to ever find anything on his phone😂

  60. Nick Frank

    Nick Frank

    6 ай мурун

    Berts wife is a special lady. It's amazing she even picks up the phone when he calls. On the first ring!!

  61. Matt McGovern

    Matt McGovern

    7 ай мурун

    Iud uti ied dui lmfao

  62. luke kingsley

    luke kingsley

    7 ай мурун

    So where is this eating contest?

  63. Tim Jacks

    Tim Jacks

    7 ай мурун

    Ahhh the old days when Burt was only a racist and not a smelly dog f***er!

  64. NOLA tN

    NOLA tN

    7 ай мурун

    i cant stop laughing now because i thought the last line of the birth control commercial was "SO I CAN KEEP LIVING MY LIFE JUST LIKE A WHORE!"

  65. Chase Elmore

    Chase Elmore

    7 ай мурун

    About that BMW promotion? Loved it..

  66. Chase Elmore

    Chase Elmore

    7 ай мурун

    Bert is always like a fat kid, in a room full of cotton candy.. An that hat makes him look simple...

  67. Connor Goldman

    Connor Goldman

    7 ай мурун

    1:14:50 its kinda cringe how ignorant the (mostly bert) are about social issues and corona in general. wish they (bert) would just stop talking about it

    • Gabriel Suarez

      Gabriel Suarez

      7 ай мурун


  68. Brock Watterson

    Brock Watterson

    7 ай мурун

    I feel terrible for Bert's family

  69. duplessis2006


    7 ай мурун

    \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Bert nose touches.

  70. BeyondReasonNC


    7 ай мурун

    41:01 Nightmere

  71. Monica Wheeldon

    Monica Wheeldon

    7 ай мурун

    Much respect to Berts wife, as I didn’t even think of the commercial like that.

  72. WoLF_ThaGoat On ps4

    WoLF_ThaGoat On ps4

    7 ай мурун

    I've probably been to the publix I live in Tallahassee

  73. robertdenirosmole


    7 ай мурун

    "its like the older rectile defunction commercials" -bert

  74. Jim Arndt

    Jim Arndt

    7 ай мурун

    Education Connection Commercial is still better

  75. mario k

    mario k

    7 ай мурун

    The background laughs are the greatest

  76. Dalles Richards

    Dalles Richards

    7 ай мурун

    Who screwed Jim Florentine girl?

  77. Vivien Martin

    Vivien Martin

    7 ай мурун

    Bert looks like a serial killer with his hair parted down the middle

  78. BirdOfHermes83 D.

    BirdOfHermes83 D.

    7 ай мурун

    The guy laughing in the back is hurting my stomach! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  79. samuel rappaport

    samuel rappaport

    7 ай мурун

    Intro 🔥

  80. Kyle Grey

    Kyle Grey

    7 ай мурун

    Hearing the laughter in the background is one of the best part of the podcasts gets me laughing everytime 😂



    8 ай мурун

    I fuckin love hearin the crew in the back just dying

  82. Dave Hilditch

    Dave Hilditch

    8 ай мурун

    Here's the picture of Bert playing the Ukulele.

  83. Hayden Antonino

    Hayden Antonino

    8 ай мурун

    Adriana Chechik is so gross, she’s always got her prolapse hangin out

  84. Giovanni Favero

    Giovanni Favero

    8 ай мурун

    Bert stopped mentally developing somewhere around 15

    • Redly Media

      Redly Media

      4 ай мурун

      He started drinking and never stopped

    • Luke Berthiaume

      Luke Berthiaume

      4 ай мурун

      They say your mind stops developing when you start using drugs or alcohol heavily . So u may be right

  85. Fluffy BeachVibes

    Fluffy BeachVibes

    8 ай мурун

    Hey Bert ..Mmmatbe just 12oz. of Kool aide in a day?😝❤

  86. The Underground Viking

    The Underground Viking

    8 ай мурун

    "Yeah you can come in me" - Burnt Christmas

  87. Samuel Fulkerson

    Samuel Fulkerson

    8 ай мурун

    One of the best episodes yet #bertsmells

  88. Cody Blackburn

    Cody Blackburn

    8 ай мурун

    I scrolled for awhile in here, and didn’t see one comment about Robert Champagne the OnlyFans legend... “Good good.. make this mutha fuckin shit happen mutha fucker” 💀 where does Tom find this shit man

  89. Dylan Manack

    Dylan Manack

    8 ай мурун

    Bert without a hat looks like Marv from Home Alone if he let himself go

  90. T


    8 ай мурун


  91. Crimson Camellia

    Crimson Camellia

    8 ай мурун

    I dint get how ppl like diet soda, that shit is nasty as hell and the ppl who drink it to jus be healthier are jackasses

  92. whiskey_bent


    8 ай мурун

    your wife sounds like the worst. you should be single....

  93. Lazarus Cain

    Lazarus Cain

    8 ай мурун

    Bert's really out here wondering why his wife doesn't give him that good top when she could probably smear his smegma around like cream cheese on a bagel.

  94. Yami


    8 ай мурун

    My favorite thing is bert talking about the decaf coffee basically saying it's pointless meanwhile he is a drinking a diet coke as if it's healthier than regular coke lol. Btw just got to the part where bert says his wife won't blow him, let me just say if a broad I married just decided she is over giving bj's because of patriarchy I would contemplate leaving her 100%

  95. Isaac Banks

    Isaac Banks

    8 ай мурун

    When Bert said, "how does a UTI work? does a doctor shove it up there" tears started streaming down my face😁😁

  96. Nick Ryan

    Nick Ryan

    8 ай мурун

    Can someone please get a message to native to throw a low pass filter on the mix.. when anyone bumps the table my house shakes from the bass. Haven't been able to watch on home theater setup. Thanks Jean!

  97. Caeniix


    8 ай мурун

    Bert, stop taking pool-showers so you can get blown, sheesh!

  98. Anna Roberts

    Anna Roberts

    8 ай мурун

    Second sophomore year... is always my favorite

  99. Nicholas Long

    Nicholas Long

    8 ай мурун

    Bert looks like he believes in Ancient Aliens

  100. xeoph


    8 ай мурун

    This show is never long enough